Mar 3 2013
“We are what we repeatedly do. #Excellence therefore is not an act, but a habit” – Aristotle
I was speaking with a dear friend this morning, a self-confessed #perfectionist and an #addict – a “perfectaholic.” When I shared with her what today’s theme is about, she offered, “I don’t believe it controls me as much today as it did say a year ago.” Naturally, I wanted to know what she attributed that to. I’m going to get to that in just a few moments, but first, let me properly set the table for a discussion as important as this one is:
First, the appetizer. As with all #addictions, you first must want to, no – need to be set free – released from this stifling, life-draining prison of your own creation, no matter the cost. There will be moments that will frighten you as you’re challenged to take your hands “off the wheel” and to give up #control. It won’t be easy – but you must! You need to learn that life was meant to be lived as part of a team and not as a rugged individualist. There will be times when it’s three steps forward and two steps back. Sometimes it will feel like two forward and three back. After all, you didn’t get to this place overnight. You constructed it over time, and now, it is an addiction, a prison, and like all things that possess you, compel you, setting yourself free from its chains is going to be a process. You’re not a little bit pregnant – a little bit of a perfectionist as one friend said to me last night. You can’t be “a little bit on the wagon.” You’re going to need help with this and that’s a good thing! Let this sink in deeply – This is about #progress and not perfection!
Next, the main course. All progress begins by telling the #truth! So what exactly did my “work in progress” (aren’t we all?) “perfectaholic” friend attribute to the progress she’s made this past year? We all have our own truth, our personal #journey. Here’s hers:
- First, she needed to acknowledge that she, like so many others, struggle with the addiction of #perfectionism and with it, a need of and a dependency on having control. The why wasn’t initially the most important thing. The fact of it was!
- She needed to adjust her expectations. Whether they were directed toward her husband, her children and even her closest friends, her belief system as to what was the standard of acceptability, her standard, was based on an idyllic fantasy, and conjured up from her own traumatic past.
- Her hopes were largely based on an illusion, motion pictures created in her own mind, a mental construct. It was a never-ending portrayal of all the experiences and people she had ever encountered but with one twist – every single one depicted a life of safety, well-being, one shielded from uncertainty and danger. The movies were all lies.
- She recognized that she had become #obsessive as to the things she does well. Her vulnerability as a child and how others abused it, was simply transferring control over her to something else. That said, this is where she could at least claim, albeit misguided, a false sense of #significance and #purpose – personal value. After all, she never received it as a child. Created in the image of GOD, she was ignorant to the fact that she innately possessed all the worth she’d ever require – internally. She’d experience it now – externally!
- She came to see the truth in the saying “don’t sweat the small stuff and it’s all small stuff.” The fathomless nature of #DIVINE #GRACE has finally begun to take hold of her heart, the GRACE that she has shared liberally with others for years. At last, she’s begun to cut herself some slack, to #forgive herself and to rejoice in her humanity, with all of its imperfections, in fact, despite its imperfections – just as #GOD does! She’s started to be good to herself!
Finally, a scrumptious dessert! This is the piece de resistance! In the eyes of the #CREATOR, we are perfect and perfectly #loved right now, no matter what! Did you get that? No matter what! There is nothing we or anyone else can do or say to change that fact! There is simply no human need to seek perfection, #excellence – YES! In the eyes and heart of the ONE who counts the most – we are already as perfect as we’ll ever be!
Can you relate to any of the points my friend shared with me? Has this post helped you in any way? If so, how? Is there someone that comes to mind you want to share this post with? If so, please do so – NOW!