From having all the answers, to

having more questions than answers.

It had been a number of years since I saw and heard from Carolyn.  The tone in her voice and the urgency of her words left no doubt as to the extreme fragile nature of her marriage, her finances and the prognosis of her future. Like every cancer, whether an actual illness associated with a tumor or one of life’s many thorns in the flesh, one may cover it up with a bandage but the festering and deterioration continue. The sources of Carolyn’s many anxieties had obviously never been effectively confronted over the years. The implications of never being fully truthful with herself and her husband had now manifested themselves in myriad adverse ways. All progress begins by telling the truth.

“My husband and I do not see eye-to-eye on a whole host of important issues, and as to being in a partnership, I feel we have a team comprised of one – and I am not the one. What is at stake is my emotional well-being and sanity. I feel dishonored, disrespected, abused, like mere chattel. I need….no, WE need, to see you as soon as practical.”

The bottom line was they needed to take personal responsibility for their own required changes to move forward, and not that of their partner, while choosing instead the intention of supporting and affirming the other. They needed to choose not to look at the other, as the reason for the curve balls life had thrown at them. Each needed to take personal ownership of what he or she was experiencing. They could choose to discontinue living the lives of whiners, who were focused on the problems and instead start down a path of becoming seekers of solutions. If they would both commit to seeing things anew, starting over, being openly teachable, and to not depend on what they both thought they knew, then it was not too late.  Time was most certainly of the essence!

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